SIA (To whom it may concern)

Sometimes it happens that I have a melody in my head and a few words I wish to write but I don’t know to whom I am writing.

It is frustrating because I am not the type to write a poem for the sake of writing. Though it is rare that the target (in the case of writing love poems) ever sees the work I still like to know who I am writing to. And when I get words and music but no face I am frustrated. I am frustrated even more when I get multiple faces, so that I could write the words to any of the women I am thinking of or currently infatuated with.

In fact, I have come to realize that maybe I enjoy the company of women as people of beauty far too much. It should never be the case that I am ready willing and creative but haven’t a clue as to who I should write to.
In times like that I am tempted to just scrap the whole idea or better still to just write to whoever I am torn between and see which one comes out better. That way it’s a win-win for me and my art and none of the women are the wiser.

Its difficult to be a single artist infatuated with several women.

RIP Nujabes

Jun Seba died February 26, 2010

I am saddened by the death of a man I had never even seen in pictures much less in person. I still have not seen a picture of the man. I choose not to. For me it is better to know an artist by his art rather than his face.
I am forever touched by his music, which has inspired me to write countless poems and thoughts. His music always has a mood for me. Regardless of his faith I am sad that he has left this world, and I hope he enjoyed his life.
Though he has passed, his music lives on.

RIP Jun Seba A.K.A Nujabes

Vignette: Strolling in pink

strolling in pink
Just as every bit of hot as you think
Seeing you strolling in pink makes my whole body shiver shake and get weak
I just wanna stick my hand out for a reach
But I know better than that, still I gotta do something to get you
My lips they got a taste for you
What I gotta give for a feel of you
A car, a ring, my last name I’ll give that plus the kitchen sink
And for your body I’ll make sure your hands never touch the inside of a sink
Cause your fingers would be forever always holding me
Cause from the moment I seen you strolling in pink you made me
Just want it to be you and me
But you caught me too busy thinking about everything we could be
And I let you go by strolling in pink right by me

Anacostia River

I looked into the river as if to say take it,
I cant work another day out of it.
That was my expression for those days wasn’t it?
Felt like my whole world was caving in on its self didn’t it?
Thinking why Lord how can this be?
Praying my Lord have mercy on me.
Let me jump in this river and that be it.
The end of me.

And then this lady she turned to me
If you were thinking of jumping I wouldn’t do it
Cause if you do you’ll need saving and I wont be the one to do it
But if you wanna jump I’ll leave you to it
I just wanted you to know not to test me

And then I realized the words of God
Do not test the Lord your God
Its weird to have your life saved by a stranger
I really didn’t know if I should thank her
For reminding me God wont like me to put my life in danger
I was not here to throw myself in the Anocostia River
But to throw my life in the hands of God for him to deliver

The company of women

I know with my situation being the way that it is right now I could really focus my life energy on other things besides women

Yet it seems like such a lovely distraction from the concerns of my life. The time I allow myself to day dream about this is time spent not stressing over other things.

It is amusing to me that all the women I know in this city I met through one woman. And the meeting of that woman was by all accounts was by chance.

Since the woman I met by the chance encounter is currently in a relationship I have been introduced to her friends and been given ample opportunity to foster friendships of my own with them

I think I very well may be the only male friend that is non homosexual that these women enjoy as a group. In all my gatherings with them I have either been the lone male in the group or the other male was dating one of the women.

I enjoy very much the company of women. I think I may prefer it to that of men. However nothing will ever replace the comfort I can have from just being around other men, I feel there is a certain pressure involved to be in the company of multiple women.

In a crowd of them I can easily turn invisible an my qualities of observation an listening go a long way. They either forget my presence or become so comfortable with me that the revel things about themselves or women in general which I find useful later on.

Vignette: Rainy Sunday afternoon Jazz

Laying in bed with her. I wake up to the rain drops tapping at the window like gentle reminders that this is still earth-not heaven-and life wont carry on like this forever.

I let the Sabbath rain play a melody for my ears as I watch her head gently rest on my chest. She rises an falls with every breath.

I know she is alive because I am alive she moves in rhythm with the air in my lungs. We are in harmony her an I, still as one, as we were just moments ago when we were making love

The rain plays for us, congratulates us, clapping its hands. It’s a slow steady tune outside the window. My breathing is caught up along the melody-her head too. We three the rain, her and I make Sunday afternoon Jazz music as my fingertips play piano softly along her back.

The soft silence of our music waifs through the air, my fingers glide off her skin like the rain drops down the glass window outside. Every touch makes a beautiful and unique sound as my fingers trail down her body.

The calm sleep of her body makes a melody of its own an soon it mixes with the rain, her, me, my finger tips and her breathing all mix together to make a sweet jazz lullaby.

One by one the other instruments start to fade. My fingertips stop playing the keys of her naked body. The sound of the raindrops fades away. And my breathing is not as fast as it once was. There is only her. Her an her calm sleep. It plays a solo now and everyone listens to the calm sleepy jazz of a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Writing a daydream

Writing for me is like one big day dream. Expect I dream on pieces of paper. I can go places when I write. A pleasant dream that I create all for myself, whenever the reality of the world threatens to take away my joy. If I want I can match the sadness the world feeds me and create a sad environment for me to express myself in. Other times it can be a whole free world for me to explore an express my ideals in.

Writing takes me away to a time place and mood of my choosing. Its what I do when I’m said, happy confused or otherwise alive. I write.

Dreams-one good turn deserves

This dream was fairly simple and straight forward. I was behind a door and someone on the other end was yelling at me to unlock the door. The door was not locked and I knew that so I turned the knob to let the door open. An old lady whom I had never seen before stood in front of me and slapped my hand-attempted too.

“Don’t lock the door!” she said.

Before I knew it I had pulled my hand back so that she missed slapping me and slapped her own hand down in frustration. I was about to follow up with words declaring my innocence but I saw my mother behind me making soft gestures for me to quite down and let the incident go.

Dreams-Like a child

I had a short dream. I was talking to my mother and complaining to her winning to her about all the things that were happening with the family that I felt were not fair and just. I was telling her how I felt an as I spoke to her she smiled and nodded in what looked like understanding. But I began to shrink in size so that I was becoming the size of a child and started seeing from a child like perspective and soon her smile was not that of understanding but of condescension.

If I could pause time

If I could pause time I’d leave it on your smile
I love the way you smile I’d pause it all the time
I’d always show you mine
Cause I’m your biggest fan
Your smile is my favorite show
I’d rewind and play it back slow
Just to see your cheeks rise and glow
If I could pause time I wouldn’t let a moment go
I would record every moment just so
I could relive every smile and every time you looked me in the eye
Cause time seems to fast forward on its own
That’s why if I could pause time I would keep your smile for myself and never again feel alone.
If I could pause time..

Mr. Lonely

Sometimes when I see a pretty girl I think about how I would enjoy her company, I think about how maybe I can make her smile. I day dream about what it would feel like with her head nestled against my shoulder.

But then I realize I like being alone. I like the freedom to leave when I want, arrive when I want, waiting and announcing plans for no one.

Washington DC looks so beautiful at night. The cool spring air is enjoyed at my leisure. There is something peaceful about enjoying the city with no words spoken just the silence of thoughts and the sounds of the atmosphere.

I enjoy being alone, its almost like freedom.

Archives: Old Work

After much debate in my own mind I have decided that I will in fact post old work, however I will not mix in old work with new work. That was what I was trying to avoid in the first place, and I will mark each piece of old work plainly so that it can be immediately known.

Any work done in the past will also be placed in the month of January for the year 2009. This way it is kept nicely in one bundle, and I can update it from time to time whenever I run across my old work that I had once thought lost.

As for my reason as to why I have not had many updates of new work for the past week, don’t worry. I will once again finish with more work done that there are days of the month. Time on the computer has been iffy, but I am not with a shortage of work to show, so I ask for patience as I continue to type and update.

Vignette (Crossing Duke Ellington Bridge)

I may have noticed you watching me, but I didn’t really show it. You didn’t make me feel like I had to prove anything. I didn’t have to earn your attention. But you were watching.

I felt you trying to peel my onion layers away with your razor sharp eye. Looking on the inside of me, like I was looking inside of you. I admit I try to not to be noticeable noticing you, and you don’t seem to sweat me either…but still.

Maybe for a moment we can chill. Do you like Jazz? You move like it. There is something about your coolness that reminds me of poetry your calm, confident, smart personality.

Crossing Duke Ellington Bride you have a aura of maturity and stability that is not common found. A no non sense approach to like tell it like you see it, not too arrogant yet not easily dismissed as teasing.

What do you want out of life? Where are you going crossing Duke Ellington Bridge? I know you know. One day you can take me to where the cool Jazzy women like you are born.

Vignette (Miss cool spring night at DuPont circle)

There is something magical in your eyes. Something I cant escape from when our eyes meet. Something that makes us both smile. The absence of your laugh leaves mine no where to be found.

Can you feel me gazing at you with my eyes full with amazement and curiosity. Trying to understand who this beautiful creature is in front of me. As if I have never seen anything let alone anyone, not to mention a woman that can make me feel like you do. I want to hold you, I cant just sit next to you. I want to nestle up close to you. And yet I am calm and at peace with the distance and silence between us.
Looking into your eyes is like having a deep conversation with my heart and soul, words cannot translate your smile. Since the moment I met you cool spring night at DuPont circle you have stirred emotions in me I can explain only with a pen, you make my blood thick with feelings, hot with emotion as if your presence puts my body in a panic. But your eyes put me in a calm and your smile at ease and your laugh puts me in the palm of your hand.

Miss cool spring night at DuPont circle. I give up to your charms, and even though we haven’t touched we have shared not even a hug, I feel your warm embrace every time we meet. Oh miss cool spring night at DuPont circle when can we meet again?

Vignette ( Blessing waiting at Silver Spring platform)

No detail, big or small escapes your ever watchful eye, blessing waiting at Silver Spring platform. But this time it is I who notices you.

The way your eyes squeeze almost shut as you smile. Your expressions are drawn by the very hand of God himself and every time you give a joyful expression the world sees his skill in anime drawing, your high thick cheek bones and soft lovely gentle laugh.

You are soft and gentle in character, as well. Ready to lend an ear to friends, your animated face turns to serious concern as you lean in to consul a friend in need. And yet how quickly you turn on your care free laugh to raise spirits.

You are the unofficial, official leader of any group, many may make more noise than you, many may say more things than you, many may grab the center of attention more than you, but you are a leader. You blessing waiting at Silver Spring platform know that the crowd is not always right and the path you follow is narrow and not always easy.

Though you are gentle, kind and soft, you are strong and far from weak. You are the blessing waiting at Silver Spring platform.

The exploitation of women pt.9

“That bitches name was Nikki ménage, and I mean that bitch lived up to her name, ya hear me? Fucked and sucked me and my man off. She was going at it.” The man smiles shaking his head at the memory. He has a joint in hand and lets it burn for a moment as he continues his story. “I nutted like three times and the bitch still wanted to go. I mean its two dudes and she was still feining for the dick. But listen though. She told me that me and my man gave her more pain than the time she fucked four niggas at the same time, ya hear me. Two niggas brought her more pain that four. He chuckled as he tapped me on the shoulder as if to help me feel the impact of his words.
He was visibly proud of himself. “four niggas, man.” He shook his head again in disbelief. “We worked that pussy out. I had to stop though.” His smile started to fad. “Bitch nutted me three times, gotta save some for the other bitches.” He again shook his head, this time sadly. As if shamed at what he admits. Shamed somehow by his own natural human limitations. “I faked a Charlie horse.” He shrugged as he finally took a drag from the joint.

The exploitation of women pt. 4

“Oh I got some more girls on the chat line here.” The young male digs deep in his pockets, when his hand re emerges it carries condoms, a pieces of paper, two red lighters and a cell phone. He dumps it all on the table. “I aint called all of em yet but I gone through most of them.” He admits as he straightens out one particular notebook size sheet of worn and crumpled paper. He flattens it on the table and runs his finger along the names. “She geeking for me called up this morning wanting to go.” He laughs as he points out one name in particular and taps his finger on it.

The young man has before him a collection of names and number of girls in the DC area. Some of whom he met himself and some of whom his friends met and shared the numbers with him. They call it the chat line. Shared information about women. If she drinks, smokes, has children, a car, etc. All the important information a young man would need for exploiting a woman.

Suffering

I guess I feel almost like she yanked my heart out. Though its not a surprise, what happened. I feel like I knew it would happen. Yet knowing something bad will happen does not make it hurt less, any less bad when it actually takes place. A part of you wanted to remain naïve and believe that you still had a chance to change fate. To work against the very order of things.

I suppose I say a lot without saying much at all. I feel like I have been betrayed by a woman that I loved the most. In response everything in me wants to villainize woman and write them off as being selfish and unappreciative. Even though I can label this particular woman this way I cant do that to the entire gender. Though I have rarely met a first hand example to prove other wise I know they exist, because I know of them from a distance.

I suppose I learned another lesson. If I ever have to go all out to prove my love then really want am I proving? What do I gain? And why should I have to go all out? Because I want to? Because I have to? Because I feel it’s the only way to get her attention? I made a mistake I think in allowing myself to get too close to someone. Slowly but surely I take all these pre-emptive measure to make sure I can never again be touched. I go by my last name, I talk little of myself, I never mention my gift, and l don’t talk about my past or share my feelings etc. These are all things I used to do, but slowly and surely woman by woman I withdrew myself into a shell.

I think I did the wrong thing when I started to look for something my family was not giving me. Love and attention. I was looking for someone to prove to me to show to me that I was worthy of love. I don’t know what has changed but I have since realized that I cannot look for those things in other people. I cant make other people love me. Now, for now I am content. Unlike previous times I was repulsed by the idea of being alone, now I am comforted by it. I am repulsed by the idea of having to share my life or my time with someone else. That’s odd, and I don’t know why that is.

I draw more peace and comfort from writing that I do from talking to a person. I would much rather sit and read a book than talk to a woman on the phone. Yet when I go out in public they are all I ever doodle about, sketch about, look at. I am fascinated with the idea of women. I am content to safely sit and watch in a corner tucked away from view, un noticed.

I feel as if this very well may mark a new chapter in my young life. A chapter where I go from being desperately wanted to desperately wanting to be alone. Maybe because I am disillusioned by what I thought it meant to be a good man to a good woman. Maybe because honestly, love, affection, and money is not all it takes to attract and keep a woman.

Maybe I just need to be alone now. Ah well…easy come easy go. I dig my head in the sand and carry on with my art. Let the world pass me by, I don’t care…let the world pass me by I am in my art right now.

Woodblue - Suffering

Title:Back to Suffering

I guess I should have known you’d move on
Damn I get so tired of writing the same old song
Writing the same old sad love poem
About how I had a love that did me all wrong
About how I had a love that’s long gone
If I had the words to express to you
The depths of my love for you
Maybe I would still belong to you
Maybe you would still love me like you used to
All I can do is pick my heart up and dust it off
And try to get back on that kicking bucking horse called love
But honestly I been kicked off so much I’ve had enough
How better it would have been to never know love
Damn I get so tired of writing the same old song
I feel so disconnected now like you were never there
I feel so angry now cause I knew this would happen all along
But when you are in love you see things that aren’t even there
Like the truth in your promise that you would always be there
Like the truth in your words that you would always care
Where is the love in your heart for me it used to be there
But now you’ve moved on found someone new
And now I’m back where I started nothing new
Back to hating love, life, and now you.
Back to feeling empty and blue
Back to suffering, and now because of you.

Noticed by Woman

Its funny how the gaze of a woman can knock you off your feet
Its special how when she notices you, you straighten up.
Its curious that everything changes when she looks your way
Nonchalant appearance
Hides the anxious feelings
Wanting her silent approval.
While looking the other way
All your thoughts focused on her
While your eyes look out and away
Its funny how a woman can snap you out of one day dream
And into another.

Women should wear more clothes.

I noticed that once or twice how women sometimes self consciously cover themselves with there hands when I look their way.

I remember a time at a hotel. I was sitting in the lobby talking on the phone. When out of the elevator appears a young girl dressed in panties. She sees me and hops out of the elevator giggling as she tosses a flimsily towel around her body. I felt as if it was my fault for noticing that.

Another time I remember a girl on a college campus dressed in short shorts and walking with her mother. I was looking her way already as she rounded the corner and her glance met mine and she self consciously and sub consciously threw her sweater wearing arms down to cover her thighs. I felt guilt for making her react that way.

Women should wear more clothes.

My hiding spot

I have a new hiding spot. Its by Brook land station so the sound of the train is never too far.

Sitting in-between rows of books that reach taller than I when standing. I feel surrounded by knowledge next to books written in Latin and German. There is something humbling about opening a book with yellow brittle pages and realizing it was written in the last millennium. It feels humbling to know that you are holding something that has outlived generations and will outlive you too

My hiding spot is on the 5th floor stacks in a university. I sit on a foot stool as I gaze out the small window that starts at the floor. Its beautiful. Watching the people and cars from height and distance. Feeling alone. Feeling private

I love the complete silence, it feels so right to be among books as I begin my journey to writing my own. It feels so right to keep company surrounded by books that have stood the test of time. It is inspiring to know that words are forever.

Andy Warhol was right. (Soon George Orwell will be too)

Andy Warhol was right. (Soon George Orwell will be too)
I know what he meant now when he said everyone would have fifteen minutes of fame. You-tube is every man’s tv. Where everyone who is the least bit entertaining can point a camera on themselves and their world and put it up for show. Everyone is an internet star.

Remember the days when it was something special to be on National TV? Well now people are being broadcasted all over the world, people who have no idea what you are saying will watch you.

Now that everyone is on television we are seeing things we never did before, we are seeing a side of life that was once considered mundane. Warhol made a video of him eating a hamburger. (Video on this blog btw) now people make videos of them making shadow puppets or getting pulled over by the cops. Even the everyday is captured on video and displayed to the world. Millions will watch you drive your car down the street simply because you make it available for them to watch.

I feel we are fast reaching a time when being in front of a camera will be a part of everyday life. Maybe not to the extent of us performing or entertaining all the time, but we will be putting on a show for someone. We are fast approaching a time when George Orwell will be right, we are already half way.

SIA- (Politics and religion)

Taking a little break from story telling for a while. I have other things on my mind. I figured out exactly what I want to use Alexander’s voice for. Instead of telling I’ll show. Stay tuned for new topics in the near future.

I want to acknowledge the amount of posting I did for the month of February over 50 posts. I was surprised at how much contact flowed out of my head once I had a place I felt home in. I can only look forward to my body feeling at home somewhere in the near future as well. A library is no place to feel at home
With that said I am looking forward to making the month of March just as if not more productive than February.

Also instead of titling the posts such as these speaking in Alexander they will now be titles SIA followed by the topic
Thanks.

Enjoy it with you

Even though we don’t talk and you don’t know me
I enjoy the time we spend just the two of us
I feel like your co-pilot sitting in the silent front with you
Just to catch flashes of your smiling face at passengers
Oh how I love riding on the bus with you
It used to be something I only had to do
Now I only enjoy it because of you
You could drive me anywhere
But from you
I’d go anywhere with you

First World -The city of Philadelphia-

The City of Philadelphia was the most well known city in all the lands. Being that there were seven cities in the world all cities were known to men but of all the world Philadelphia had the most well known hero’s, gods, and kingdom. Philadelphia was also the smallest of all due to the fact that its gods and subsequently kings were always in conflict with the gods and kings of the other cities.

Throughout time ever since gods ruled over cities Philadelphia has always been at war. Whenever it lost favor with a neighboring city more powerful than itself it would loose large tracks of its territory. It has in recent years gotten small portions back from wars with smaller rival cities but its overall size and population has never been comparable to even that of the second smallest of the seven cities. Thyatira. And it definitely was nothing in size when compared to metropolis like Laodicea.

SLik D - Midnight L (Prod. Bhonstro)

I have this on repeat as I type up the days work. I have to make sure all my typing work is done before I can light up my L.

Otherwise I wont want to type.

First World -The ark-

The one speaking to them was very clear on instructions, so much so that Faux and J’adore were certain that they were following instructions correctly that when they heard the direction in which the worlds ark, the bable, would be pointing they thought the world backwards. While the rest of the world was busy building a ark to be launched into the surface of the world. Faux and his wife were building a ark to be launched out of the world. It was an amusing sight for passerby’s and gods that mocked them as they travled by.

Didn’t they know that the Christ would come from out of this world? The traverlers would think. Directing theire ark in that direction would surly run them into him.

“Come J’adore such a beautiful woman you are, come around from that fool man and join us in the babel there is room for the entire world! But there is no room for a woman that follows a fool to her death!”

Even Larz seeing this from his home deep underground laughed seeing this he laughed so mightly at the couple that the ground shook violently, cities were damamaged and men were killed in the rubble of falling buildings and the Bable took damage and construction was set back by months.

All the man that had been contributing to the construction of the ark in Philadelphia trembled in fear, thinking that it was a sign from the great god larz who was unhappy with the progress of the ship. So much were they scared of the unhappy good and the power of the shake that the men made up for the lost time and damage in a mear month when it would have otherwise taken three.

Only the gods underground knew that it was only the mocking laughter at the couple that made the earth shake. However seeing how it struck fear and motivation in the men, no god said anything but marvled at the new determnation of the beings.

First World -The ark named Babel-

The kings of the cities all feasted and toasted, the streets filled with men and woman dancing in great joy with one another. Every blind man saw, every lame person walked, no one again coughed or sneezed, and no man was hungry. All thanks was given to the greatest of the gods Larz. It was said that it was because of him uniting the gods that the world would forever know peace untill the dreaded arrival of the Christ. But that was not thought about, the only concern for the beings of the world was that they knew peace and were free to do as they wanted without the wrath of the gods.

Peace was declared in all lands. Even Philadelphia was given peace guranteed for seven years while the construction of the Babel was underway. It was not because the other cities had given up theire hatread for the City of Philadelphia, it was only because the gods had declared that it being the holyiest city in the world Philadelphia was best place to launch the ark from.

And so it was that the ark named the Babel was constructed in the holy city of Philadelphia and all men and all cities and all gods took part in its construction.

First World -The Seven Cities-

It had been annouced that in preparation for the arrival of the Christ that all the gods should stop theire wars, vindettas, and person griences with each other. All plauges would stop and all faminie would cease. There would be world peace for the first time since the arrival of the gods to this world. All the cities Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, and Laodicea would concetrate theire efforts on the construction of the Babel, the name of the ark they would build in theire effort to escape the wrath of the Christ.

“It has to be something that we can’t go halfway on. We have to do it an not concern ourselves with can we make it there first. We have to concern ourselves on what happens if we don’t try at all.” Larz the greatest of the gods explained before the council of the gods. They all sat before him, the major gods of all the cities, silent in the graveness of the conversation. No one bickered or said word.

First World -Unification of the Seven Cities-

And so it was announced to all the lands far and wide that all the seven cities and all the peoples and all the gods would join in celebration with each other and they would all trade freely with each other united with each other.

Immediately news spread that the legend of the Christ who would come to take the world away from the gods, the destroyer of the world men and gods alike, was this Christ. His power was said to be so that no god could stand up to him, not even if they all worked together and tied gold ropes around his wrists and ankles and together with their mighty powered pulled could they pull the Christ down when he finally appeared.

The coming of the Christ marked the end of the world as his coming would mark the death of untold millions upon his arrival. Plans to build an ark were discussed, one that could carry the entire population of the seven cities.