I am at a weird point in my life..

I am at a weird point in my life where looking over my work depresses me. What does that mean? I can pile napkins with small scribbling on them in a gym bag and every handful of napkins saddens me.

I can understand it, show me the men who have a gym bag full of napkins of writing and I can show you a great artist. That’s what it means to me. The bag is like treasure chest. I stick my hand in and take out a napkin, read it to myself, and I know I have something priceless but I don’t know how to use it.

I am sad because oh well I suppose because I am sitting on gold and don’t know how to spend it.

I don’t count myself a ‘superstitious’ or ‘religious’ man, however I do believe in God. There have been a few times in my life that I cannot remember but I’ll never forget that I felt I wasn’t alone. I felt I was being watched. Not by any human eyes but by eyes I cannot see only feel. It is a scary feeling to have the realization that life is like a flame on a candle and can be blow out faster than a blink. It is not being near death that makes me feel my life is being watched it is how I live my life that makes me feel I am being watched.

Crazy

This should have all been simple
Because I love you and you love me.
I wish we were already everything we were meant to be
I wish we weren’t so scared to love with all our hearts
And just give each other a brand new start.
See cause no one’s hurting as much as you
And no one ever will

This is crazy
How much I think about you.
It’s crazy
How much I care about you
This is crazy
The things we put ourselves through.
We must be crazy
If we don’t let our love see us through.

Either I hurt you or you hurt me.
We are so busy hurting that we forget how love can be
Everything we need to heal our wounds
If we just give into love everything can work out soon.
See no one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

This is crazy
How much I think about you.
It’s crazy
How much I care about you
This is crazy
The things we put ourselves through.
We must be crazy
If we don’t let our love see us through.

I love you and you love me so let’s love each other
Lets love each other together.
It feels like we are in a war,
But what are we fighting for?
See no one needs peace more than us.
And no one ever will.

This is crazy
How much I think about you.
It’s crazy
How much I care about you
This is crazy
The things we put ourselves through.
We must be crazy
If we don’t let our love see us through.

Write me

I know a girl with honey lips
When I’m around her I just cant sit
Still on my hands they have to touch her rub her and love her
Her she’s the girl whose eyes hold such admiration and love for me
One day she came around
With a deep and thoughtful frown
She didn’t have her smile that day it was missin
She said I know you be writtin
She said why don’t you write me?
Tell me you love me
I bet its cause you still love her
I say baby there is no her there
There is only you here
Why you actin this way tryin to despair
Over a ghost something that’s not there

If you are worried about me
And how true my love can be
Ask me if I love you it wont be maybe
Defiantly I care for you
I shouldn’t have to prove I care for you
But tell me you wish to hear that I love you
And I’ll make sure your wish comes true

Okay so you want me to write you a poem
Want me to give you some love lines for you to read over till you know em
Like the back of your hand that I kiss with my lips
How about I place some kisses with my words all over your heart
Now will you listen and not fight with me
Despite what other may think of me
You know me
Yeah I aint the easiest person to get to know
Yeah I got affection that I sometimes wont show
And yeah I can be a little sarcastic
But baby you said you can look past it
I got strong feeling for you and I try to mask it
But baby if you stay
I’ll throw the mask away
And show you the smile I have when you come round my way

If you are worried about me
And how true my love can be
Ask me if I love you it wont be maybe
Defiantly I care for you
I shouldn’t have to prove I care for you
But tell me you wish to hear that I love you
And I’ll make sure your wish comes true

At first she was silent
Like she didn’t buy it
She said write me a song
You got something in your head I wanna know what’s going on
I know you still caught up over her, prove me wrong
Cause I just want to make you happy
Go ahead an laugh it may sound sappy
But I want to help you it will be all right then
Why wont you let me help you don’t you trust woman?
I laughed yeah there’s no point in it
Tears pain and eventual heartbreak
Its all a game I need to quit take a break
She said I’m not every woman for pete’s sake
That’s great I reply sarcastic
She said I got a question but afraid to ask it
I know you still love her, so how can you love me
I laugh you know what baby
I know a girl who’s lips are just like honey…

If you are worried about me
And how true my love can be
Ask me if I love you it wont be maybe
Defiantly I care for you
I shouldn’t have to prove I care for you
But tell me you wish to hear that I love you
And I’ll make sure your wish comes true

For now I am a lazy boy

“For now I’m just a lazy boy day dreamin in my lazy boy”

I know I am my worst critic. After I write something I always ask myself what the point was and what I was trying to say with my effort. If I can’t answer the question then I don’t release it. The past month I have asked what the point of several of the pieces I have released was. I came up with the answer that I was in the middle of finding myself and achieving my dream. It seems that last year my pieces were all about facing my inner demons and taking hold of a dream I had. Now it seems my pieces are more about who I want to be in my dream. To me it seems the next logical step would be me achieving that dream. I am my worst critic and I pretend to myself that somewhere on the internet someone reads my work and thinks just as I do. After every piece they mutter “Just do it already!” That’s how I feel. I need to just do it already. Talking about it, writing about it, that’s all fine and well. I need to step up and step into it.

I cannot even pretend that I know the pieces I will write in the future, but I know I will write. I know I will write pieces that I want to have copy written and published, efforts I want to turn into contests, pieces I will write for other artists. I will write things I cannot share on the internet, I will write pieces I don’t want to share on the internet. In my head I have the belief that I will write less and less ‘free pieces’ to be shared with others and more and more ‘specific pieces’ efforts that are part of a book or for a larger project later on. I don’t know what the future holds but I know enough to know that my writings will be more personal and focused on my career. I have given much thought to the quote shared with me. “Begin doing what you want now. We are not living in eternity we have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand- and melting like a snowflake”

With that in mind I lock myself away in my dark room with the plan of bettering my words with education, life, and experience. This is not to say I wont ever post again, I wouldn’t dream it. But I feel they may be few and far between. I don’t even think myself important enough to announce a leave of absence but I am thinking of one person in particular who would wonder about my absence. So with that in mind…

I must let the few of you that follow my work know that I will be absent, pursuing my dream.

“Begin doing what you want now…”

Good Morning

Good Morning
Good Morning

Wake up Mr. Brooks. Mr. Brooks. Mr- get your face up out them books. Did you even manage to give that paper a second look? You got a F muh- fucker F. What the fucks your problem? Now your all alone an you cant make it on your own. It’s time to wake up and face your failed reality.

Good Morning
Good Morning

On this day you see all your wastes should have been could have been. No telling what you would have been. Wake up your not even a has been. What a funny life you are about to live away. Live away from a dream that may never come true. You’re a writer can you even spell? Time to wake up and face your nightmare. Don’t scream.

Good Morning
Good Morning

Good Morning rise and shine, wake up its not like you dream everything’s not fine. You overslept, over dreamed, over stayed your welcome. Open you eyes and see your life is going no where, you might as well go back to sleep.

Good Night.

Give me

Give me your eyes.
I want you to see how much I care for you
Give me your smile.
I bet you do all the things you say you won’t
Give me your words.
I want to know you love me
Give me your love
You can have mine
Give me your world
And I’ll show you that you are mine
Give me your fears.
So you won’t have any
Give me you tears.
So you won’t cry any
Give me your breath.
So you can say my name
Give me your time.
And you can have all mine.
Give me everything
And you can have anything