Plunged into manhood

It almost feels as if my soul is walking around in my head, pacing back in forth deep in though unrestrained by time and space, just thinking and pacing back and forth for what has seemed like an eternity but not even a minute has passed. And I am fatigued, as if I had been sitting in this chair for days. I sit loosely in the chair, looking almost thrown into it, my thoughts holding me captive pinning me lazy to the chair.

I don’t even know what I am thinking about. My mind seems blank most of the time. It seems void, black, scary, are the thoughts that roam in the vast unknowns of my brain. “I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this.” but I have got to carry on. I have got to face it like a man and accept the challenges that come with being a man.

I have been plunged into manhood, and not by my own doing, but through the actions of another I have been pushed into a role I didn’t see coming for years. What do I do now?

Its time to grow up. Not to say that I was immature, but I still had a bit of the hard protective egg shell of my youth protecting and covering my eyes. I still live in the nest after all, I haven’t flown the coop to face the harsh cross winds and whims of the world.

The humor in all this is that someone else short comings as a man has forced me to become a man myself. I am reminded of a shirt that read “Mistakes, sometimes the only purpose of ones life is to serve as a warning to others.”

I keep thinking that, that quotes pops up and down in my brain, hiding in the shadowy places of my mind. Not that I have become a failure, no, I have witnessed a failure, and it serves to me as an example of what not to be, what not to become.

So here I go, diving head first, head long into this. Playing my new role and position. I cant back down from it now, the sooner the better, and what doesn’t kill one makes one stronger. If all things work to the glory of God, then what will I be doing for God, what story will emerge from all this that will show the power, mercy, and glory of the most high? I don’t question it, I only wander blindly through a dark tunnel asking when the lights will come on.

I have been plunged into manhood, I am only asking when I get to come up for air. I am only asking what will I do with this manhood. And why God, why did it have to happen like this?