As a young man -Sketch 4-

The first was like the last in the way she makes my heart burn. It felt so good to leave her alone, to not worry over love. It felt good to finally be alone and free from the distrust and dissatisfaction that plagued my one way relationship with her.

I only miss her when I get lonely. I don’t miss her, I just get lonely. Just like the first. That’s why the first was so hard. I didn’t feel I could love anyone else. I didn’t feel I could be loved by anyone else. (To an extent I still feel this to be true) I just wanted to stick with what I had.

The first was unlike the last because I tried harder with the last. I was determined to not let the last end up like the first. But in the end, it wasn’t up to me. It never is.

I promised myself there would not be another after the last. Just like I said after the first. But there were others.

….Its never enough to get burned once