Bittersweet (2)

He was comfortably intoxicated as he watched her slowly and softly close her car door and walk towards the park. He sat in her car unsure of exactly what to do. She didn’t look back as she walked further into the grass. Convinced that she wasn’t just walking out to talk on the phone he got out of the car and softly closed his door and followed after her careful not to make noises. He didn’t want to upset her while she was talking to her mother on the phone. If he opened his mouth or made too much noise her mother would ask questions and the last thing her mother wanted to know was that she was with ‘Kale’. He listened to her speak to her mother in a language familiar to her ears but foreign to his understanding. He surprised himself by how much of the conversation he was able to understand, only phrases of course but he breathes easy when he realized she was trying to rush her mother off the phone. He counted three times she had said goodbye to her mother that were always followed by a flurry of foreign sounds.
She ended the call and took a seat next to a small path that over looked a small pond. He sat next to her a pace away from her and made sure to set his drink away from her. He didn’t want her to find out he was drinking. He didn’t know exactly how she would react but he knew she wouldn’t be happy. Something he didn’t think about before he snuck off and bought the bottle and placed the contents in a lidded cup.

“I realized that you really pushed me to do better in my classes.” She said looking into the water continuing the conversation before the phone call. He didn’t know how to reply to that. He felt it ironic because he had almost flunked out of school because of his early obsession with her, but still he was glad to hear he was helpful to her. “Now I don’t know what I want to do, man you have no idea how bad I want to drop out.” She half laughed and half sighed as she shook her head. “But I know I can’t because that would let down my parents.” She said as she stretched her legs out. He laid down at her feet his hands and lips caressing her feet. She looked down at him flashing her famous smile that he dreamed about. He immediately reached up for her face. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously but still smiled.

“I’m not going to try and kiss you.” He sighed

He had been trying his best to kiss her lips all day but she would only offer her cheeks. Even before his intoxication he would try and she would thwart his attempts by narrowing her eyes and saying “Don’t ask for too much.” Or “Don’t push it.” when his lips would get too close to hers. Even though he didn’t like it he did realize it wasn’t that she didn’t want to kiss him, it was that she couldn’t. She couldn’t give that connection to build a physical bond with him. If they had a bond this close they could only imagine how much more it would be if they started a physical relationship. As she once said to him “My life is not my own.” And she couldn’t bear the though of being any closer to him and having to tear herself away. She smiled nodding allowing his hand to gently rub her face, she nudged her head into his hand as he spoke.

“Its your cheeks, they rise high when you smile, you have black cheeks.” He said admiringly

She laughed “Oh well at least something about my body is black, sorry it’s not my ass.” She rolled her eyes smiling.

The liquor making him honest spoke. “I would rather have your smile the way it is then a bigger butt.” He shook his head. She smiled her smile as he retook his position at her feet and poured out his affections on them. “You’re going to stay in school right?” he asked placing his head between her ankles and looked up. She sighed and looked down at him.

“Yeah, I wish you would push me and…” her face frowned. “Why do I smell liquor?” she looked at him sternly and he raised his head up immediately regretting his carelessness.

“Damn-it shouldn’t have done that.” He mumbled sitting up across from her.

“Are you drinking?” she demanded in a tone that was more of an accusation that a question. He sat silently not knowing how to react. He knew better than to look at her now. She leaned over and reached for his cup and opened the lid smelling the contents with a frown. “What is this?” she held the cup in front of him she stared at him.

“Vodka.” He confessed slowly “Its flavored that’s why it smells like that.” He knew better than to have gotten Gin his favorite drink it would have eaten through the cup and gotten him caught along time ago.

“Why are you drinking?” she said frowning at him. He looked away. “No, you told me you drank cause I wasn’t there, so why are you still drinking? You know…” she put a tone of emphasis on the words ‘you know’ “You know I don’t like it.” He could only shrug he felt helpless and scared the way only she could make him feel. “I can’t believe you were sitting here drinking! You lied to me. You said you went to the sports store.” His face began to sulk as he spoke.

“I’m sorry ma, please don’t be mad.” He suddenly felt a child and his old fear of having her mad at him came back. She sighed deeply.