Love knocks you down

My first true romantic experience was a heartbreak, but I think most people would say the same thing. I don’t pretend that I have gone through more than the next man, or that my hardships in the subject of love where so devastating that I never recovered, but like most people I carry those hard learned lessons in my memory.

Playing the back-up boyfriend of my own free will for many years has had an effect on me, that I really did not anticipate. It is easy to let such an experience make one bitter and seek vengeance on every single woman one sees, however it has made me sympathetic to other people who have been caught in that situation. It also makes me very weary of putting someone else in that spot.

Love, the illusion of it, the seeking and longing for it can have a unique affect on ones mind. It can make you see and feel things that are not there, and I do not know half of what I am talking about as I am only twenty-three years old as I write this. Really, I have just started life, and I stand before you writing that love is something without equal.

What is the value of German Marks in Japan? What does it matter that I have a quarter million marks in the bank when I live and work in Japan making Yens? What I mean to say when you have invested yourself in one place doing one thing, what would make you drop and lose everything you built to go start over or pick up somewhere else?

There is a verse in the bible that tells that you cannot serve two masters. You will love one and hate the other. It speaks of serving God or serving the devil.(in the form of money) However, the way I see it, that verse can be applied to more than just the epic good vs evil battle. How can you have a group of women all around you, vying for attention and expect to just focus on just one?

To do two things at once is to do neither. To love two people at once it to love neither, by the same extension. You have to love one and hate the other, hate in the way of not caring for the feelings of the second person. Hate in the way of not thinking or having concern for the mental wellbeing of the second person. Jealousy is an exhausting emotion. It is a mental strain on ones mind as well as a burden to ones heart. Jealousy can eat away at one sense of self worth and self confidence. Knowing and having experienced all those things who am I to condemn someone else to that punishment? Who am I to treat someone like that are an item or possession and turn around and claim to love them?

As much as it is part of human nature to keep things of value to ourselves, as easy as it can be to horde, love is and never something that someone should keep locked up to themselves. If someone is loving you more than you can love them back, is it not your duty to make them aware of it? Would you not be a monster to let them continue and fight for your attention, when you know that you have none to give? If you have love for someone does not the love for them inside you want the best for them even if it may not be with you? Is love ever so selfish as to be so possessive?

I again yield to the ignorance of my age, I am ripe with inexperience. With that admitted, I can say that I would want to be treated with kid gloves when it comes to the topic of love, it has been my habit to fall for the things and women that were the farthest away from me and the least obtainable to me. So when it comes time for me to be that far away unobtainable person to someone else I will do everything I can to love them as much as I can without hurting them, because they don’t deserve the short end of love. They don’t deserve to be knocked down by love…