Me,myself and my pride (5-28)

When I sit in my car traveling through my thoughts driving down the road, I am never alone. She sits right beside me. When I stand in a room full of people with no one to talk to she is the only one that understands me. And when mad, scared, or confused out of my mind she finds me and places myself back secure with myself. She is my pride and she has stood next to me when others wouldn’t even look in my direction…


Now here I am sitting at a small desk and here she sits on top of the desk legs crossed smiling down at me. She is a beautiful woman forever in her early 40’s forever looking after me the way a mother does her favorite son.

“I see your still writing letters to that silly girl.” She says frowning at my small green book.
I don’t even look up I let my eyes imagine the words that will be written soon.

“Of course.” I shrug “I love her.”

“I read” she says patting my head thoughtfully. “From the way she treats you doesn’t seem she doesnt.”
I tightly close my eyes and let out a sigh. The words disappearing from the page. “I cant help that, I love her regardless. My words are my only way of telling her that.”
“I read your blue notebook.” She says as if confronting me with a secret.
I place my pen in the notebook and lean back and embrace her face with my eyes. She is still smiling, yet her eyes feel sorry for me.
“She still hurts you.”

I slowly and deliberately get out of my chair and walk to the window. “Love hurts.” I say staring into the blue sky.

“Listen to you…” she says her ‘sorry’ now seeping through her voice. “Show me in that green book you like to write in so much where you have hurt her.” She lifts her self off the desk. “Show me where your love for her hurts her.”

I look up into the sky searching for a way to make the tears I feel coming go away. “There is nothing I can do, I love her. I will spend my whole life writing words telling her I love her. She may never love me as I love her, but I love her. My pen was born telling her I love her, and so it will die telling her I love her.”
My eyes still stuck in the sky I could feel my pride stepping closer to me.

“That’s crazy she will break your heart again and take your words for granted and leave you outside with nothing put a pen and broken love. She will cause you much pain and will find no joy in your romantic ideas of love.” Her soft voice getting firmer and I could hear, she was right behind me.

“She may never love me as I love her, but I have joy of her love from every memory of her voice. From everyday we spent getting side tracked. From ever late hour we spent on the phone. I have joy from being in love with a woman of my dreams I have joy in knowing that the woman that makes me complete is alive. I have joy in knowing I told her I love her, even if she never loves me.” I said fighting the tears of my words

“What am I going to do with you?” she gently asks rubbing my check with her finger tips.

“Help me tell her I love her.”
She lets out a sigh of defeat.

My pride steps into me and I let my words stream down my face. I cry as I stare into the blue sky.